of wandering, of wondering
by shucky motherfucky
Summary: PINK FLOYD FANDOM. "An eye for an eye Roger, former apple of my eye, the stars in the sky. You should hurt just like I. I've done my job, so now it's goodbye." A very angsty Roger Waters/Syd Barrett story. Written from Syd's POV. MAYBE MAJOR WARNING: Takes place during the 1975 visit, jsyk. Reviews are rad.


**TITLE:** of wandering, of wondering/sounds a bit old doesn't it?  
**AUTHOR:** Pepper  
**RATING:** PG for references to relationships between two rockstar men?  
**PAIRING:** Roger Waters and Syd Barrett  
**WARNINGS:** Angst, schizophrenia references possibly idek, creyin rogah, me attempting to get into the way syd would write and think and i think i did horRIBLY, etc.  
**P.O.V:** Syd's POV  
**DATE WRITTEN:** June 5th 2012 5:12-5:28 and 5:33-5:47 fixed up july 25th 2012 10:14 a.m-10:27 am  
**SUMMARY: **Syd loved Roger once, but once is really never enough.  
**ALTERNATE SUMMARY:** 'An eye for an eye Roger, former apple of my eye, the stars in the sky. You should hurt just like I. I've done my job, so now it's goodbye.'  
**AUTHOR NOTES:** Alright so on this day in music history (meaning june 5th), according to the music history calendar, easily reached from songfactsDOTcom (OHMYGODADVERTISING) Syd Barrett visited Abbey Road studios while the Floyd were recording the album made for him very quietly, went unnoticed, then left quietly. I suppose when he went back, we got that sad picture and the stories of Rogah and Rick crying and such. Other versions of the second visit don't have the crying part but they all have the porkchops part and yeah. ALSO, if this seems a bit incoherent, it's because i'm writing as Syd, as best as I can. Maybe I end up making too much sense, who knows, i'm trYING OKAY.

* * *

I feel rather summer today so maybe I'll go for a walk, I thought, almost aloud. I left my home and made my way out into the real world. I like walking. It puts some things into perspective, I've found. During this walk I somehow found myself at the mouth of Miss Abbey R. Studios. I felt bitterly angry at myself for bringing me here.

But I thought I would go inside, and in, was what used to be my band. Of course. They didn't seem to notice. So I waited. I was approached and my mind wandered.

I blinked, coming down to earth. I must have said something very strange, because a few people were staring at me in a funny way. You were crying. I must have hurt you terribly to make you do that. My stomach twisted a bit when I realized that I didn't feel nearly as guilty as I should have felt.

Years ago I would have panicked, caught off guard, and I would try to comfort you. It only happened once or twice in all our years before now. You were much stronger then, I suppose. Very good at hiding things though. So maybe your defenses have broken.

Maybe _I_ broke them? Still I didn't feel guilty enough. I hurt you by coming here, and as I looked around, I notice that I hurt Rick too, his head bowed and fists clenched, shoulders trembling. I wondered why I felt more sympathy for Rick than I did for you, though I felt for you more than anything else not too long ago. But it was so far away now that I really think back to it.

I really did love you once. But once is really never enough, is it? It never was, especially with you. Even now, because I know you haven't let me go. And I wonder why?

Oh and speaking of wandering. Of wondering. I asked myself in silence why I came back here. Not being noticed the first time may have been a good sign that I shouldn't come around anymore, not again. But something kept pulling me back.

I was quiet last time. Didn't want to be seen.

Louder this time. Wanted you to see me. To see how nicely I had broken myself for you.

I know now by your shaking hands and raining skies that I am as bad as I've felt like I am now. It's hard to notice when you don't see things as clearly as you used to. You brought this upon yourself Roger, doing what you did before, and making this record. You know what I do. And I know what I've just done. I hurt you.

I hurt you _horribly_.

Now I'm leaving. I'm leaving you behind, in the dark about where I am going, just like you did for me before. An eye for an eye Roger, former apple of my eye, the stars in the sky. You should hurt just like I. I've done my job, so now it's goodbye.

I smiled to myself as I realized how that rhymed.

* * *

Yup so there's that and you're probably in pain now sorry yikes


End file.
